Ionlydrumnaked's Journals

Classy.

I want to go out. Like, get all dressed up and go to dinner or something. I don't know why I'm having these urges. Maybe its me maturing?

Also, I want red hair. Like, really bright, crazy, funky red-orange hair.

Oh I wish...

Deflated.

I hate the word no. I hate asking for things. I hate being let down. I hate being questioned. I hate having to explain myself.

All I asked was to go to a museum. â�œWhy do you want to go to a museum all of a sudden? Who are you going with? Why them?â�

I want to take pictures. I want to express myself. I want to be taken seriously. I want to be left alone. I want to dance.

I still havenâ�™t gotten any of my things back. Its been over three months.

I wish people would pay attention. I wish things didnâ�™t piss me off. I wish I wasnâ�™t so sensitive. Yeah, sensitive. I wish I wasnâ�™t so restricted.

Approximately 700 days to go, and then I can be free.

I need light in the dark as I search for the resolution.

Its not too late for New Years resolutions...is it? I've never made any before, but I think its time for a serious change in my life.

This year I will...

Lose weight. I used to be a size 16 & now I'm a 12. My aim is a size 8. I can squeeze into a 10 now, so I'm close!

Stop eating bad things. I love love love junk food. I don't know why, but I do. Recently though, I've been preferring fruit over the bad stuff, so this is a good thing. It'll also make losing weight an easier thing. I think one indulgence a week is reasonable.

Be more responsible. I seriously lose & forget about everything. I depend on my mom way too much. I know that I'm 16 & that's what I'm supposed to do but next year I'll be going to college & I have to do things for myself.

Gtfo the internet. Seriously, I spend way too much time here. Its ridiculous. But I've made some really good friends & I just can't leave yet.

Finish the majority of my High School credits. Next year, I really don't want to work hard, so its best to do it now.

Attain a 3.6 average. And keep it. The last time I checked, I had a 3.0, so I'm getting there. Most, if not all, of the universities in California want students who have that average, so if I want any chance of getting in, that's what I need.

Go to more shows. Because they're fun & I like taking crowd photos. I need more fun in my life.

Be less shy & paranoid. Any tips on how to achieve this would be greatly appreciated.

I think that's pretty much it. I'm making another list. Hopefully it won't take me another 2 weeks to post it. :)

Bye, bye, 2008

So there's not even 12 hours left in 2008 and I haven't done one of these things yet. So I figure, why not now.2008 was a pretty good year for me, but there were also some bad spots.

-I sprained my ankle playing volleyball (3rd year in a row).
+ I turned 16!
+ I went to Warped and saw many of my favorite bands. Some more than once.
+ I found out I can draw
+ I got a camera
- I then lost said camera
+ But hurrah! I got another one!
+/- Fell in ~love~
+ Met really great people thanks to Buzznet & MySpace (Lynn, Stephanie, Edda, Pam, Amanda, Rea,etc)

I'm hoping that 2008 will be more eventful. This year was boring, kind of. There will be more lists coming soon. Stay tuned & Happy New Years Eve!

I can't tell you

I can't tell you how I feel because I'm afraid you won't feel the same
I can't tell you how your voice is like music to my ears
How your touch sends electricity through my veins
How your conversation stimulates my mind
How everytime I catch you staring it makes my heart flutter
How I can never really seem to look away from you
How I can differentiate your foot steps from others'
I can't tell you because I fear rejection
I fear that you'll tell me I'm too young,
That this connection I feel is all an illusion
I can't tell you because maybe you'll agree with me
Maybe you actually do feel what I feel
Where would we go from there?
How do you go from friends to lovers?
Is it really better that way?
Would it, in the end, blow up in flames?
I can't tell you because I'm afraid of what it could be
Because I don't want to hurt you & that's what I'd end up doing
So I'll keep it all inside untl I explode
Until it just becomes so much that I'd eventually blurt out: I love you
Its building more and more
Like a ticking time bomb
Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick
Boom

Oh, Grandma

My mother, who isn't really a lesbian, decided to play a joke on my grandmother to see how she would react to it. She didn't tell me she was going to do it, she just started talking and I went along with it. How were we supposed to know that she'd flip the fuck out? It went something like this:

Mother- "Mom, I have something to tell you."
Grandmother- "What?"
I'm a lesbian.
OH MY GOD. WHAT?
I'm a lesbian, I've been one for a while now.
I ALWAYS KNEW IT. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOODNESS. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
But you just said you always knew it.
You're telling me this in front of your daughter?!
She knows already.
YOU KNEW?
Me- Yeah, I've known for a while now.
Oh my God. That is so disgusting.
What's so digusting about it?
Its just not right.
But I love them.
THEM?
Yeah, I have two girlfriends, they don't know about eachother though.
OH MY GOD. OH MY GOODNESS. THAT'S JUST SICK.
So you don't love me anymore?
No. You're not even my daughter anymore.
I still love you, mommy.
Aw, I love you, too.
What are you gonna do, turn her into a lesbian, too?
If she was one, I would still love her the same.

All of this went on while they were watching a marathon House. Maybe an hour later my mother told her she was lying. My grandmother went on to say that it was "a bad joke" and "you shouldn't play like that". I was sitting there the whole time just fuming but I didn't say anything else. Since when was loving someone a bad thing? I don't understand people sometimes, especially not my grandmother. She's voting for Sarah Palin. I've always known we were never related.

Anyway, I hope this doesn't scare any gay or bisexual people wanting to come out to their parents. Sure, they're your parents and you want them to accept you, but if they don't then oh well. They should love you for you, and their love shouldn't depend on your sexual orientation, or your career, or anything like that. It should be you and you only.

Gay Is Not A Synonym For Shitty.

I hate it when people use the word "gay" as something negative. It's even worse when people discriminate against others because of their sexual preference. Case in point: Today in class my teacher was saying how President Bill Clinton passed a bill that allows homosexuals to be in the military. This made the rest of my classmates simultaneously grumble. The majority of them are homophobic and/or hates gay individuals- teacher included.

She went on to say "I wish he never would've done that". But tried to cover it up by saying, "I don't hate the person, I hate the spirit that they have", which is basically the same thing. Her brother, who wants to be in the military, chimed in and said "If I ever found out that one of the other soldiers was gay, I'd get my gun and shoot them, especially if they liked me." Iâ�™m so surprised that I didnâ�™t curse him out. I have homosexual friends and I have bisexual friends, so I was extremely offended. Even if I didnâ�™t have them as friends, Iâ�™d still be offended. Iâ�™m so surprised that I stayed quiet during that whole thing seeing as I was fuming on the inside.

I just donâ�™t understand how you can hate someone because their sexuality. Itâ�™s so stupid and mean. They have an issue with anything thatâ�™s different. If youâ�™re not like them, then youâ�™re just not good enough. Arenâ�™t Christians supposed to accept everyone, no matter what gender, race, sexual preference, etc? Arenâ�™t Christians supposed to love everyone? Arenâ�™t they not supposed to hate? Their reactions make no sense to me. Itâ�™s like, as soon as you mention the word â�œgayâ� all hell breaks loose.

I wonder what they'd do if they knew I kissed girls. Yes, plural.

I wrote it last night

The bed is cold,
So cold and I'm so lonely
I need warmth
The warmth that should come from your body
With our legs and our mouths intertwined,
We'll create that special heat
Where are you now?
Are you somewhere thinking of me?
My fingers long to touch your face
My ears long to hear your voice
My eyes can't wait to see your beautiful ones
Only a few more hours, but it seems like forever
All I have to do is sleep, but I can't
I'll be counting down the hours, minutes, seconds
Every dream, awake or sleeping, will be of you

Bleh, my writing sucks. I haven't written anything in so long. Every time I try, I get chronic writers block, its insane. Anyway...how is everyone? =)

Song Lyric Game!

Okay, you know how it goes. I put my iPod on shuffle and here are the first lines of the first 20 songs played. Lets see how many you can figure out:

1. I could walk this fine line between elation and success.
2. The only thing that keeps me up when I'm feeling down.
3. This town has its claws buried in my neck.
4. Hands down, I'm too proud for love, but with eyes shut, it's you I'm thinking of.
5. We watched the sunset and we told ourselves to never forget just how good it felt to be surrounded by a town we knew like the back of our hands.
6. Some live for the bill, some kill for the bill.
7. Landing on a runway in Chicago and I'm grounding all my dreams.
8. I want blood from you.
9. Dear mother, can you hear me whining?
10. I see a frightened little girl too scared of having another man run out on her.
11. I'm bringing sassy back.
12. For you, I was a flame.
13. And I am war after ten years of fighting.
14. Look like a lush, talk like a tease.
15. I live by the sun and I'ma die by the sun.
16. How you doin', young lady?
17.Oh my God, this hurts like hell.
18. The morning sun's about to break
19. Rain falls, quickly wetting my hair and clothes
20. Do you know who I am?

Some of them are easy. I hope this is hard for someone lol. Okay, GO!

"The Quilt" album review.

First off, I'd like to acknowledge the guy at the register in Best Buy. He looked at me, looked at the cd, and said "Is this like, hard rock or something?"

-laughs-" No, its like a mix of hip hop & rock. Kind of hard to
explain."
He looked at it for about 5 minutes, front to back, before finally scanning it and putting it in the bag. Anyway...on to it:

From The Quilt's singles, "Peace Sign/Index down" and "Cookie Jar", you can see that Gym Class Heroes want to go in a different direction this time around. Instead of sounding like their normal genre-bending selves, this album has hip hop/popsound. How did they do, you ask? Well...at first I wasn't impressed, at all, but after a few listens I was in strong like.
The first track, "Guilty As Charged", has almost the exact same piano part as "Peace Sign/Index Down", but its still a great album opener. Kissin' Ears is a fun, upbeat track that will definitely make you dance- it would have been just as great without The Dream and his annoyingly high-pitched voice. The song is reminiscent of Bobby Brown in his prime. Travis McCoy lays down some of his boyish charm and wit on "Cookie Jar" while comparing types of girls with cookies: "I got a thing for milano boscotti Italianos, and I never turn down some oreos if you got those; butter pecan Puerto Ricans or them oatmeal rasin Asians, hazelnut Brazilians, macadamia Caucasians; double stuffed or thin mint, it don't matter you gettin' it".
You would never guess that Disashi was singing on the album if you weren't told. His solo song, "No Place To Run", and semi-solo song, "Live A Little", are arguably the best ones on here. On "Coming Clean", Travis talks about cheating on his girlfriend with music and its results. On the other hand, "Blinded By The Sun" is about being cheated on. He sounds like a potential stalker while naming all of the places the object of his affection has been and the places she was supposed to be. "Live Forever (Fly With Me" is a kind of twisted yet sweet love song. It sounds more like talking and recalling memories than rapping, and it will probably make you want to cry.

The only worry I have about this album and its success (it's currently #5 on iTunes top album chart) is that people won't acknowledge Matt, Eric, and Disashi for their parts on the album. The sound is so different, so produced, it doesn't sound like a band, it sounds like McCoy rapping over a regular beat. Even in the thank you's, Travie is dominant, taking up most of the page (thanking everyone from Pete Wentz for saving his life, KatyPerry for being his "baby", Eric for having good hygiene, Matt for being his best friend for so long, and Disashi for being Jimi Hendrix-like on the guitar). I hope that in years to come, the other three Heroes won't be forgotten about and/or overshadowed by McCoy.

This is indeed a solid album, but not "the dopest album of the year".

Favorite songs (in this order):
Live A Little
Kissin' Ears
Peace Sign/Index Down